A Life of Beauty

New name

2009-03-11T22:05:03Z

I haven't updated here for ages and mostly do all my news via my blog but I wanted to start a new livejournal just to log my random thoughts that don't belong on the blog necessarily.
So yea...the old username didn't fit me.
Find me here: sodarnhappy

Otto's here

2008-12-31T18:25:29Z

Birth story here...

http://crazybutable.blogspot.com/

new blogspot

2008-12-16T19:32:34Z

Mostly for my thoughts & to keep family/friends updated.
It's just too much jumping between myspace, livejournal, and xanga. I'm too lazy for all that business.

crazybutable.blogspot.com

Writer's Block: Gone but Not Forgotten

2008-12-05T15:05:07Z

Many beloved television shows are no longer with us, like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Six Feet Under, and Mystery Science Theater 3000. What defunct television show do you miss the most?

View 500 Answers

Oh how I miss Buffy. Memories of high school then college..crying when Angel left after graduation..when Oz left on his journey to control the werewolf in him then returning to find his one and only love in love with someone else..gasping & being more than a little hot under the collar when Spike and Buffy finally "did it"...bawling like a baby when Joyce died...when Giles went back to England..when Tara died....
Oh man.

Rectal pressure is FUN!

2008-12-01T14:01:44Z

So I considered going to get checked last night...but alas after 2 hours of quite painful contractions I finally passed out & slept til 4am to wake up & find that they had disappeared. So incredibly frustrating. I was contracting all day yesterday & it was accompanied by quite a bit of rectal pressure. Yea...no fun at all.
Before you lecture me..I'm seriously downing like a gallon of water a day..and peeing it right back out. I seriously wonder why we have to drink so much water since it never stays in me for more than 5 minutes at a time.
But yea...I know he's "dropped" because I'm no longer having rib pain & my vag seriously feels all weird. I swear when I sit to take a poop he's gonna fall right out. & having contractions while taking a dump....really unsettling.
Oh..and my nipples have started leaking.
All really great reasons to march Cory right on down to get his vasectomy asap.
I have another appointment with the midwife on Thursday. Here's hoping all this hasn't been for nothing...

dweeb!

2008-11-29T16:20:48Z

Cory & I were marveling at the delusions of grandeur of a 14 year old girl at church. She spent all of Wednesday night talking Twilight to me & kept swearing that vampires were real and she's head over heels in love with Edward.
She also got into a lengthy, rather spirited, debate over who would win in a fight: Edward Cullen or Edward Scissorhands. (Edward Cullen hands down, duh. I mean..I love Edward Scissorhands just as much as the next girl but wasn't he kind of a wuss. Plus he kinda shuffled everywhere in slow motion. My Edward would have him down in the ground in no time flat).
Well I'm here to say that I'm just as horrible. In a fit of pregnancy induced insomnia last night I laid in bed imagining what it would be like to be Robert's one & only true love. We would've met in England, of course, where I was running my own very successful bakery. He'd come in to try a cupcake & fall hopeless in love with me.
Fast forward to the Tyra Banks show. He'd tell her that..no thank you, he can't bite her neck. While his beautiful amazing orgasmic girlfriend isn't the jealous type, hers is the only neck he'll ever bite.
And there you have it....I'm just as awful as that 14 year old girl. Good grief. But we have to stay young somehow, don't we?
& a side note: Cory admitted to me last night that he thought Alice was hot.

Ohh, baby

2008-11-29T00:44:05Z

Okay so these contractions are seriously taking my breath away.
I've had some that I'm pretty sure wouldn't fit into the braxton hicks category but they're absolutely maddening.
They'll come really frequently for an hour or so then just disappear.
I went through this for weeks on end with Elliott. I'm beginning to think these next 4-ish weeks may be the longest of my life if this little boy doesn't come soon.
& forget sleep. HA! That's just a memory of the past. Oh how I miss my dearest friend sleep. If you see him..tell him I fantasize about him often and can't wait for a steamy reunion.

Absent

2008-11-26T01:52:02Z

So we got the internet back today..wee!
I'm hoping I won't get sucked into eternal blahness of sitting in front of the computer for hours again...not that my body can handle sitting upright here for that long anyhow. I'm not getting a new cord for our laptop on purpose. That would be a bad decision.
Cory started a new job last week. It's a job. Not real exciting...but once he starts getting regular paychecks it'll start paying the bills. It's just getting through til then...living by the skin of our teeth basically.
Other than various financial stresses that never seem to end we're doing very well.
Otto's due in 4 1/2 weeks. I've been having pretty hardcore contractions off and on but I'm not too hopeful for an extremely early delivery. I had the same contractions for a good 3 weeks while pregnant with Elliott. Yay for me.
I'm horribly uncomfortable but mostly I'm just ready to have my body back. And I'm ready to see my little guy of course.
Man. Boring update...there's just not much to say.
Things are pretty much status quo..

Faith on her 4th birthday...

Elliott with his new Scooby Dooby..who we lost in the store...and has since been replaced.
.

Okay..and two belly pictures. Taken tonight at 35 1/2 weeks.

simplemama @ 2008-09-26T10:58:00

2008-09-26T16:07:02Z

I am no longer a part of the world wide internets. Well, not at home anyway. I'm going to be scarce. Right now I'm using the computer at my in laws. I won't be on much though...maybe once or twice a week at best.

Short updates:
I'm in pain. Oh my gosh I'm so freakin uncomfortable. This kid keeps getting bigger & bigger. I know..yay...that's supposed to happen but wowzers. I had a dream last night that he stuck his hand up against my belly & I could grab his hand & every single one of his fingers. Crazy.
The kids are good. Psycho but good. I'm big time blessed though. I'll never understand how I got such wonderful kids.
The dog is driving me bat shit crazy. Oh my word. I've been walking her seriously every hour to two hours & she still thinks that the kids bed is her personal toilet. I've committed to taking care of her though...so that's what I must do. I keep reminding myself that she's just a baby & that throwing her out of a moving car would be considered cruel. Joking. :P

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Meet Applesauce

2008-09-17T14:53:58Z

I have yet to successfully potty train a dog. Cross your fingers for me. She did pee outside successfully last night before bed but so far today I've missed urination/defecation by about 30 seconds. I was literally putting on my hoodie both times & she squatted & did her business on the floor.
She slept pretty well last night surprisingly. She woke up twice from her make shift bed in the laundry basket & started crying. Just a little gentle rubbing behind the ears & she went right back to sleep both times.
So far she's been nothing but perfection..and we're all in love.

Barf

2008-09-17T01:12:13Z

www.grizzlybay.org/SarahPalinInfoPage.htm

By the way, I have an adorable 6 week beagle sleeping on me right now.
Faith has decided to name her Applesauce. :)

Yes, we've lost our minds but she's the cutest puppy ever.

She's too smart

2008-09-13T15:47:16Z

This morning Faith was looking at my little locket that has a picture of Cory..infant Cory...in it.

I asked her.."Do you know who that is?"

"Yea. It's Daddy when he was a baby. But now he's your sweetheart."

Good times

2008-09-11T06:16:30Z

It's after 1am here. I'm completely insane & should be sleeping but my body just won't let me.
Tonight I've been thinking alot about life in general. (Cory's recently downloaded the entire MxPx discography by the way..I'm reminded why I feel in love with them 15 years ago.)
Life...love...it's all good.
I feel incredibly optimistic & euphoric. I'm in love. I'm mommy to the most amazing children in the world. I'm forever blessed more & more every day.
Something I've been reminding myself of lately..an incredible man of God once told m that success isn't measured by how much money we have or what's in our house or garage...it's measured by whether or not we're fulfilling God's purpose for our lives & doing all we can to bring glory to Him.
At this point in my life I think I can say that I'm a success.

Part of the reason I can't sleep is because we just got back from seeing The Avett Brothers.
Be still my heart. We discovered them about a year ago & I've been aching to see them. Tonight it came true.
& could they be any more beautiful? I'm in serious crush...

& one last thing...Cory got me Kimya's new album...Alphabutt. I'm absolutely convinced that if I were to know this incredible woman she would without a doubt be my best friend. I can honestly say that no one's music has ever touched me in the way that hers does. She reaches to the deepest part of me. Or maybe it's the stage in my life....but I do adore her so.

I think that's all.....
I'm going to go read some more. So far New Moon has been highly enjoyable. Can I just say though..I miss Edward. Lord, help me. I'm 14.

Sigh....

2008-09-10T01:20:55Z

Cory brought home New Moon tonight. We so didn't have the money, but he loves doing little things for me.
He rolled his eyes as he handed it to me...but I know he loves me.
Off to my comfy chair with the book & some ice cream.

Hooked

2008-09-09T03:23:16Z

I've flown through 3/4 of Twilight today.
Now I'm slightly depressed because it's almost over...& we probably won't have the money to buy the following books til Cory's next pay day...insert big sad cry-ee face.
Oh my word. I just know I'll be dreaming about Edward & Bella all night.

I think I'm human again

2008-09-08T14:33:16Z

I'm feeling much better. I actually managed to get a ton of housework done yesterday. It was starting to look like toxic waste land in here. There's so much left to be done. I'm disgusted with the amount of clutter in our house & desperate to make it all go away. I want to be like Mary Poppins. Ya know..snap my fingers, sing a diddy, & it'll all go away.
Still having issues with swelling & headaches. I hope to God it's not because of my blood pressure. I know that my pulse rate has been crazy high but it makes sense considering the volume it's pumping right now. I'm just ready for this little one to come out so I can feel like my old self again. On the other side, I've been able to actually see him roll & kick lately. I'd forgotten how beautiful & exciting this stage is. I'm trying to enjoy it before he gets big enough to wedge himself up under my ribs.

Warning! Potential TMI!!!
My poor husband is being neglected..ahem..ya know...lately. I'm to the point right now where I have absolutely no desire for physical touch or any kind of sexual activity at all. I almost feel...violated when he tries to mess around with me, which is absolutely ridiculous. I feel so awful. I know the best cure is to just do it whether I feel like it or not but seriously..any advice? I know it's awkward to ask but I know that you've all probably been in this place before.

Okay...pictures from the fair in Norman the other day. The kids had a blast.

A long night

2008-09-03T19:14:36Z

Sunday evening I started feeling extremely crappy. I could tell it was more than just general not feeling well..there was something wrong.
It just progressed over the next couple days & got way worse. The official diagnosis is gastrointeritis. I have no idea whre it came from but I gotta tell ya...whoever passed this to me is not my favorite person right now.
Basically I haven't eaten anyting since Sunday afternoon. Nothing substantial anyhow...and haven't even been able to keep water or gatorade down.
So we got to spend 7 lovely hours at the hospital last night lying in the most uncomfortable bed EVER while poor Cory snoozed in a chair made for someone about 3 feet shorter than him. I got pumped full of 2 bags of fluid. They also discovered that my blood pressure was high & there was protein in my urine-which was the color of soda-so they ran some lab tests after taking 4 very full viles of blood from a vein in my hand. Basically my potassium was low from me being so sick, so hopefully that's the culprit of the whole protein in the urine thing because the last thing I want is to ever step foot in a hospital again & if this continues...no homebirth for me.
I'm feeling a little better today. It's amaznig what hydration will do for you. I pretty much laid in bed all day yesterday wishing for death.
If you need me I'll be recovering..eating jello & popsicles while wishing I could have some steak or a huge salad. I'm seriously craving food right now like no other. We always want what we can't have.
More prayers appreciated. I need to be cured pronto.
<3

simplemama @ 2008-08-29T10:28:00

2008-08-29T15:45:03Z

The kids have figured out how to unlock the bathroom door from the outside. There truly is no such thing as privacy.
Anyway...I bring to you today's list....

1. Cory. I adore that man. He truly is the other half of me. Some days I'm his better half..others he's mine. We balance each other out on a day to day basis. He's the most patient laid back daddy and our kids are so blessed to have him. I can proudly say that while most mothers constantly feel neglected by their husbands I rarely if ever have room for complaint. He finds ways every day to make me feel beautiful & special. I would be completely lost without him.

2. My babies. I watched "Nanny 911" last night..for lack of anything better on TV..and found myself once again thanking God for giving me such amazing beautiful children. While I realize that I should give myself some of the credit, I truly believe that most of it is due to the grace of God. My kids are so loving and caring towards other kids and those around them. I have been told 3 times in the last few weeks about how amazing it is that they're willing to share. It's just something I rarely have to work at. Just a gentle reminder is usually all they need. When I was little if someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up my response was always the same...a mommy. And while it's not the easiest job in the world, it's definitely the most rewarding. I'm so blessed to be able to stay home with them and be their mommy.

3. This trailer. I'm choosing now to take pride in it & no longer despise it. I am so blessed to have a home that is all my own. No one is telilng me that I can't paint my walls lime green if I want to. My kids are free to draw on the walls as they please because really...what's the harm? Our mortgage payment is lower than most people's car payments. I am forever grateful for that. My kids can run around outside naked with reckless abandon and there's no one to think less of me or criticize me. Heck...I could run arond naked with them if I wanted to. The stars are so clear out here at night and everything is so quiet. No upstairs neighbors doing jumping jacks at 3am...no wild parties or obnoxious loud music because..let's face it..it's too loud & I'm way too old.

4. Emily. This woman understands my heart. It's so rare to find a connection with someone like what I share with her. I know that I can call her any time, any day & just pour my heart out to her..and she's there for me. I prayed for so long for a friend like her and God proved Himself faithful once again. Now if only there weren't this distance between us. I'm going to start praying for the ability to teleport.

5. My mother in law. Oh how the woman drives me insane at times. But she has been there for me since day 1. She embraced me as her own and has never tried to step inbetween Cory & I. She's always there for me when Faith wakes up at 5am & says, "I wanna see Grandma." I can call her up & say... I need help...and if she's at all able, she's there.

Staying positive

2008-08-28T16:18:48Z

Okay..I've come to the harsh realization that I'm a whiner & a complainer. I have serious trouble looking at the good things in life & just dwelling on the "bad".
For example..instead of complaining about Cory's job, I should be grateful that he has a job at all & that considering his work history, it's probably the best job he's had so far.
Instead of getting so tired of breaking up the kids' fights & dwelling on the exhaustion that comes from chasing them, I should feel so incredibly blessed that I have them. They're healthy, they're happy, and that's so much more than I could ever ask for.
I need to quit telling myself the stupid lie that I have no friends. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I have the most amazing loving friends anyone could ever ask for..and I'm so sorry for taking them all for granted.
So I'm going to try to develop a more positive attitude.
My goal is to list at least 5 things each day that I'm thankful for. That shouldn't be so hard, right?
Lord, forgive me for being stupid.

Baby has a penis

2008-08-22T05:29:00Z

See? Penis....

I couldn't stand not knowing. I think I'm one of those people that need to know to feel that connection with the baby if that makes sense. I just felt really uncomfortable with not knowing who was in there.
So...there he is. Otto Silas Van Castoe.
Otto means wealth..& it's just an awesome name.
Silas means man of the forest.
Van is after my daddy. :)
We found out a couple weeks ago but I'm just now getting the energy to post an update..
He weighed exactly a pound & has been kicking the heck outta me.
Faith's reaction to the news: "I wish I had a girl." She's been telling Cory that after this baby comes out, she'd like a girl please.

Beacuse I'm a good livejournal friend

2008-08-04T17:51:02Z

I'll update.
I decided yesterday that I need to make getting a cord for our laptop a priority. It would be so much easier for me to update & such if I could sit in our nice cool living room on our comfy couch & do it.
Life has been...challenging.
I'm way more emotional & moody this pregnancy than I've ever been in my entire 28 years of life. I never experienced this with my previous pregnancies..this is new territory for me.
I find myself journaling these things then going back the next day & going..who wrote that? It definitely wasn't me.
I can't tell if what I've been dealing with is actual depression or just plain hormones. Whatever it is, I'm a loose cannon. Pray for my husband.

Money sucks balls. I despise it.
I listed my beloved bike on craigslist & haven't had one single bite yet. I'm a teeny bit relieved & mostly pissed. We need money so badly right now. The last thing I want to do is sell my bike..I'd been waiting for years to have an electra townie...but it just doesn't get the love & attention it deserves.
If it doesn't sell soon we're considering taking a trip to the pawn shop.
I just need to win the freakin lottery already. & when I do..I'm going to build the most amazing house ever & you can all come live with me.

I've become obsessed with the idea of opening a diaper/natural baby store in our area. I think about it non-stop. I keep thinking of amazing ideas & ways to make it successful. Thanks to the glory of diaperswappers I've discovered that there are way more cloth diapering mamas around here than I ever realized. In my mind, it can't fail. Now I just need the money thrown at me so I can make it happen.

I'm going to visit my sister for the weekend on the 15th. I'm excited...and a little anxious. This will be the furthest I've away been away from the kids..and the longest I've ever been away from them. Oh my word do I need the break though. My sister's sworn that we'll eat out every meal & she'll let me just lay around on the couch making good use of her tivo.

& the view looking down.
I'm seriously so ridiculously uncomfortable already at just 19 weeks.
This baby goes back & forth between moving non-stop & actually kicking so hard it's getting painful & not moving at all on some days & scaring the crap outta me.
& no, we're not finding out the sex for all that are asking. :)

& oh yea..I miss you too. Let's run away together.

simplemama @ 2008-08-01T11:39:00

2008-08-01T16:40:04Z

I just posted my beloved electra townie on craigslist. I despise being broke.

Just an update

2008-06-16T15:53:42Z

My house is a mess. But, we're working on it. Rome wasn't built in a day...this house won't be cleaned in a day either. Our plan was to have everything back in order by the time we left for Kansas City but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. Meh...right now I could really care less.

So we leave Friday evening at about 6 or so to head for Emily's! xmynewlifex I'm so excited I could pee. So much to be done...packing, getting stuff together for or visit there & Cornerstone. I need a cloning machine so there can be 2 of me. No, 3. 2 to work..1 to sleep all the time.

I'm feeling much better. I haven't puked in several days & am holding out hope that the sickness is gone for good. Right now, besides feeling extra tired, I don't even feel pregnant really. My belly's starting to grow but I'm still at the..is she just fat or pregnant?...stage.

Man. What a lame update. Apologies. I'm no good at this.

sickies

2008-05-27T13:05:58Z

Faith spent all day Saturday throwing up. It was really really terrible. She pukes just like her mommy-violently. Poor baby girl. There's nothing sadder than watching your sweet baby bending over a toilet puking up everything in her tiny tummy.
She was feeling almost all better by Sunday & Monday morning she was back to her normal self so we decided to go to the zoo. I think we over did it, she and I. She wasn't feeling well again last night and I know it was just too much on me because I had awful cramps all evening long & couldn't shake the dizzies.
Elliott's had the most disgusting poop. We're talking..oh my gosh, what's that smell, did you poop? is that poop on your legs?! is that poop in your hair?! poop. The kind where you just throw em in the bathtub because you know that no amount of wipes are going to solve this problem.
I've had diarrhea too. No complaining here though, seeing as how constipated I've been.
So yea. That's what's been going on here.

Finally pictures from Elliott's birthday nearly 3 weeks ago.
Sitting at the computer seriously messes with my eyes & only contributes to the ongoing nausea so count yourself lucky that I took the time to upload these, let alone do this entry. :P

A Letter

2008-05-16T13:42:48Z

Dearest Cory Lee Douglas Castoe aka Snuggle Bear,

5 years tomorrow. 5 glorious years.
The state says that's how long you've been my husband, my one and only. For me it's been more like 9 years. I've been yours and only yours from the moment you looked in my eyes & said those magical words..."I eat a lot of pizza."

I'm still amazed that you married me, even after meeting my family. I just knew that as soon as you met my mother that wouuld be the end of my fairly tale & I would never get my happy ending.
But you stayed the course & stuck with me. For this, you deserve a metal of bravery.

Today, the day before our wedding, marks one of the worst days of my entire life. Yet you were there through it all. I never would've made it through if you wouldn't have stuck by me. And that seems to be the cycle we've continued. You're my anchor, what keeps me grounded. You're my strength, what keeps my head above water. You're my everything.

The most amazing gift you have given me has been these babies. I know for a fact that you're the most amazing & wonderful daddy in the entire world. Your patience with them inspires me, and your love for them is so pure & beautiful.

When I count my blessings you're always number one on my list. You've given me everything I've ever hoped for in life and have been right next to me through every struggle and trial. Life hasn't been easy, but when is it ever easy? What would life be without its trials and lessons to learn from? Boring and a total waste.

So thank you..ten kazillion times over..thank you. I've said it before & I swear it's true..you saved me, and I don't know where I'd be if you hadn't have stepped into my life and swept me off my feet.

I'll love you forever and like you for always. As long as we're living my baby you'll be. <3